I went into Dr. Bahl yesterday to start some of the easy blood tests.
I know him from my Red Wing YMCA days. He is the kindest individual I have ever met! So kind, in fact, that it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about him and how much he truly just wants to help. I don’t know if there are many that have such a deep compassion like his. It’s hard to explain.
He’s always been that way – he was one of the two men that earlier in my running career pushed me to think about the possibilities of running full-time, which if not for them (Dr. Bahl and John M!), I know I would never have considered it… yet alone tried to make it happen :).
But, I digress (as I wipe a couple of tears off my cheeks – Yes, I cry way too easily). I came in with a print out of my blog post and a summary of all of the possibilities all of you wonderful bloggers/friends/runners have suggested. The list was pretty long :). Plus two previous blood work #s. I came prepared! And then I proceeded to walk Dr. Bahl through an entire summer’s worth of symptoms and potential clues. Then we talked through the “list” of potential culprits. I’m sure most doctors would hate a patient like me!
He decided to order almost every test on my list and added a couple he thought of. Why not, we decided? As long as I’m giving blood, why not give a gallon?
Then I started to cry in his office. I guess it’s because I realized how broken I was. That’s obviously overstating things, but I do feel broken, and without a how-to-manual or google info to fix myself. I also realized how much this whole running thing still means to me and how unhappy I am where I am at.
I think the other reason I cried is that I am so disappointed in myself! As I was explaining things to Dr. Bahl, I was listening to what my training was like and my symptoms for the first time as “an outsider” (i.e. how he would hear things). Immediately, I asked myself, what the heck were you doing?!? This sounds like an endurance athlete’s rendition of a soap opera and horror film!
|I hate soap operas. Wonder what a horror-themed soap opera would look like?|
I know better than this. I know it’s sometimes hard to look at something
from above when you’re deep in the details and day-to-day… but you’d
think with the intuition I’ve developed as a coach I could at least
apply some of that to myself!
Back to the doctor’s office! After giving the lab 6 vials of blood (how generous of me), I gave Dr. Bahl a hug as I left, tears still in my eyes. I was feeling sorry for myself. But then…
As I walked out, I overheard someone in the entrance of the hospital tell another, “Yeah, and then I lost my right leg to diabetes…”. I think sometimes God places people or conversation specifically for you… and I know I was meant to hear this to remind me that whatever this is, it is NOT a big life-changing deal. It will pass. I’m not losing my legs :). Couldn’t have been a more perfectly timed, perfectly to-the-point message!
This compilation (30 of the most powerful images EVER! Love the internet headlines :)) also reminds me that I have nothing to cry or feel sad or bad about… I am lucky to be who I am, have what I have, and be doing what I’m doing! I have done so much with running, met so many awesome people, and have the incredible support of Brooks, Stunt Puppy, Nutrilite, and Generation UCAN. I have so much to be thankful for!!
Until tomorrow, Run Happy!