Indecision

I feel like I’m on that amusement ride that you just want to STOP.  It was sort of fun at first, but now it’s just been going on for too long…

This week has been tough.  First, presentations at work and the resulting changes to the plan after we roll everything up – as well as year end – have made for some pretty late nights.  I’m exhausted.  Last night I left work after 9, so got home at 10.  I was supposed to go for a short shake out PM run, but I was just drained… this is the second PM run that I’ve missed in the last week and a half due to work.  Not good… I’m all about working hard, until it interferes with my ability to fit in my workouts (because that means I’m working WAAAAY too many hours!)!  Priorities!

Second, marathon indecision.  At first, CIM didn’t respond so I had decided to run Tucson (after looking at Las Vegas, Jacksonville).  Vegas was a great option, but it starts at 3, but I am not good at running in the heat especially when I’m not acclimated.  Plus, Tucson is a net downhill and my goal at this point is just to run a PR.

CIM emailed me this Monday, apologizing for the delay, asking one of the elite coordinators to forward the link/code.  Super!

Except now… Tucson or CIM?  After a little deliberation, I decided CIM would offer a lot more support and people around my speed.  Thank you, John Miller, for helping with that decision!  There was just one guy at 2:35 and two at 2:40 at Tucson.  What if one of them didn’t come this year?  It just had the potential to be lonely (although I am still very intrigued by the race… if you told me you had free plane tickets out there, I think I’d jump at the chance…)

I was able to find lodging, and was about to book our flights out last night, but something told me to wait.  Do you really want to do this?  Is your heart in it?  I think part of the reason I’m not super excited about it now is because I’m truly exhausted – from work, from thinking about where to race/when/etc.  Plus, it doesn’t help that I botched my mid-week workout :(.

As always, Jim the miracle chiropractor and worldly thinker, talked me through the situation:  If I were looking at my training as a 4 year process, it probably would be best to just shut it down now and focus on a really speedy spring marathon.  Point taken.  But then I brought up that you just never know when you’ll be forced to shut things down for a while (injury) — so if you’re in PR shape and don’t race, won’t you look back and regret that decision? 

He countered with two thoughts:  1.  You shouldn’t let the 20% dictate the 80%, meaning: don’t let the chance of future injury dictate what you’re doing now
and 2. Whatever you do, you need to put the “fun” back in it.  Think of it as a one night stand after a big breakup:  You’re going to go out, have a wild night, etc – and even though it’s totally wrong, selfish, it’ll be totally right.  It’s exactly what you need to get over the breakup

HA!!  He is so wonderful.  Every time I think of the race in these terms, I smile & decide that I should race! 🙂

I know I just need to decide – either book the tickets and continue working on getting the legs feeling springy and fast – or take a week or so off, plot out goals for 2013, and start building an enormous mileage base & working on a little track speed.  Except I find myself completely unable to decide…

Help?!?

I’m hoping my workout planned for Saturday will help me decide.  I’ll
get some sleep this weekend & see how the legs are feeling.  Sorry this post is such a downer – it probably sounds like I should shut it down?  Except I really do love racing & think I could race to a new PR… which would be so much fun…

PS – Thank you to everyone who has contacted me, through here or through FB, with offers of places to stay (saving on lodging is key since last minute flights are so expensive 🙁 ).  How absolutely awesome!  I promise to write back – just have to decide on things!