I was excited to try a hard workout by myself. Jerry mentioned earlier in this cycle that I needed to make sure I could hit some of these key workouts solo to help build confidence and mental toughness.
So I started out & imagined hitting all of my goal times & being able to email him with the great news.
I was SO wrong.
Workout supposed to be: 19 mins T, 14:15 T, 9:30 T, 4:45 T inside of a 15 mile run.
I began the first tempo segment. First mile in something like 6:13. Ug. Granted, a little more uphill and 1/2 of it right into 13 MPH winds, but still. I looked at my watch again at around 7 minutes. 6:50 pace. WHAT?!? I know I was still running straight into the wind… but something in my mind said, “this is ridiculously slow…”
And then was immediately angry at myself.
Why do I do this? Sometimes I just need to throw away the watch, I know that. It doesn’t matter how fast these are, as long as they’re hard. But something inside me is expecting to hit very fast tempo times & is very disappointed I’m not. And there’s another part of me remembers how these tempo workouts felt the last 4 weeks before Grandma’s – and I know I’m not in that portion of my training yet – but I should be closer to those times than what I’m running.
I walked for a while & then started again. Attempting the 19 min rep for the second time.
Except at 11 minutes I HAD to run off to the bathroom.
Now I was just MAD at myself. I decided to jog back to the house to see if Nate was home yet. Nope.
So I decided to lay on the couch & shut my eyes until he came home (~10 mins).
He came home, I told him about my failed attempts, as I lay curled under a blanket on the couch. He got me off the couch, told me to change into dry clothes, and he strapped on rollerskis to help push me through the workout. Together I knew we could do this. Or at least make a valiant third attempt :).
And I did! 19 minutes: 6:00, 5:59, 6:13 (wind), 5:58 pace for last .12.
Then I did the math on what I had done & was supposed to do: 12 minutes left. I decided to make it two miles. I can, I will, I told myself.
2 miles: 6:07 (wind), 5:58.
Nate is so amazing. He knows what to yell for encouragement (you can do anything for 2 minutes!) & is the reason I got myself off the couch to finish this workout. I wish I would have been able to do it solo, but all that matters is that I did it (albeit broken up & slower than I hoped).
So, need to work on my mental game. Might be a visit to Dr. Asp in the near future! I know I struggled during this portion of my Grandma’s training as well, so at least it’s not completely unexpected. I CAN and DO want this & need to throw out expectations. I also need to remember that I AM faster than I was before Grandma’s (just slightly, but that’s something to celebrate considering the increase in volume this cycle) – and focus on that vs. focusing on the gap between where I am & where I’d like to be.
I want this more than I ever have before – just have to be positive & believe in myself!!